Why train post-collegiate in discus? Because of the "what if?"

There have definitely been some days that I question this decision, but through all of the hardships it brings, those days don’t come as often as you would think. Training post-collegiately was always something I knew I was going to do because it allowed me to continue training and competing after high school and college. Since I didn’t achieve my goal of becoming an Olympian in college, post-collegiate was the next step. I feared to experience the feeling of walking away from this sport and find myself asking, "what if?" What if I could have been an Olympian?

When I first started throwing in the 8th grade, I can remember telling friends, coaches, and teachers that I wanted to go to the Olympics. I trained as hard as I knew how to in high school, which then lead me to the opportunity to accept an athletic scholarship to IPFW then to Auburn University. Being able to compete at such an amazing school, with and against the best throwers in the nation, was even more validation that I could climb my way to my Olympic dream. It kept that fire lit inside of me. But what I didn't quite appreciate until I graduated from Auburn in 2016 was the stability that a university brings. Collegiate athletes have access to exceptional training facilities, both weight room and rings. They have access to quality gear, training equipment, trainers, and usually nutritionists. They have the support of teammates, access to food, flights, and hotels for competition and training. When you step out of the collegiate world and into the very independent, post-collegiate life.. everything is very different and very difficult.

After graduation and a successful but still unsatisfying senior year, I knew my next steps were to focus on getting to the USA National Championships and to just throw further! I had no idea how to establish a life that not only supported every day living, but also a lifelong dream, but I knew I had to make it work. This dream stayed with me through the exhausting late nights of bartending at Sky Bar in Auburn, then through waitressing at Live Oaks. There were many late nights driving home in tears feeling so depleted knowing that I had to get up the next day to throw discus, lift weights, then serve or bartend all night again. UGH. I was miserable knowing that I wasn't giving my body what it needed to properly recover. I had also switched coaches at that time and drove 2.5 hours one way at least once a week to get trained by him. I was not financially stable, I was exhausted, but somehow, still motivated to make it all work because of the "what if?"

I then decided to follow my coach across the country to New Mexico. There, I worked nights at Dicks Sporting Goods, which again, was a little easier on my body but I was still on my feet after all of my training. I started to see my distances increase in the discus but my consistency decrease. I found myself in a training, technical, and mental funk. That rollercoaster ride of emotions should have taken me out of this sport, honestly. Especially after my USA National Championship performance last year (which is a whole other post). The high highs and the low lows this sport makes you experience has been exhausting.. BUT, through everything, I have always somehow seen the light at the end. I have worked so hard to get to this point and have had faith in the path I believe God has directed me to. I just needed to clean parts of it up.

I started by taking a look at what I could actually control and change. I got a job that allows me to work from home. I finally understood how to be more patient and consistent through the good, bad, and ugly training days. I let myself have more balance by stepping away sometimes to enjoy life. I ate healthier and trained smarter. Now I have started to see my distances soar further and further. Overall, I found more peace in this sport. It surprised me that at my most broken, the flame inside me never extinguished. I figured out how to mold my life around the flame so that it could shine brighter and I could find more joy in this post-collegiate journey. I never knew how consuming it was going to be until I experienced it. I never knew how hard it would be until I lived it. I also never knew how in love I would be with this sport when I finally found my rhythm and routine. I remind myself daily that my journey to the Olympics doesn't have to look like anyone else’s!

Overall, it hasn’t been the smoothest or easiest ride. I've cried many, many tears. I have sacrificed much and endured times of challenge and hardship. But the idea of seeing myself at the Olympic Trials standing on that podium, having earned my spot on an Olympic team, has been my driving force. I can't let myself walk away and have to ask myself "what if?" A chance to go to the Olympics..why not me?